Update on Life and Thoughts on Pregnancy

So, I haven't written for awhile. Life has been a leetle bit crazy. At the beginning of December I found out that I was unexpectedly expecting a child (which was great fun to tell people at Christmas) and then I and my husband have been in school ever since. We're now on break (thank goodness) and we got to drive to IL to see our Weinert and Joe-Kaiser side, which was great. Now that we're back in Utah to "real life," I do wish I could see my sweet hubby more. Luckily he has a job and is willing to work for us.

Speaking of husbands and jobs, Alan switched jobs from being a systems administrator for BYU to a research assistant for some professors in the engineering school. He builds microchips that will ultimately be able to have a drop of blood be put on them, and they'll then tell you what diseases are present and how bad those diseases are in that person. It's pretty cool.This job is helping him gear up for grad school; applications to such a place will begin in August/September. This is our last year of undergrad! Whoa! I'll be attending campus part-time and doing the rest of my classes online.


Alright. So I'm pregnant; about 7.5 months now. It's really been quite a journey, both physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. I'm in a very different place now than I was at the beginning of last December. Just a couple of thoughts.

1) Pregnancy is amazing in many different ways. It's amazingly awe-inspiring, it's amazingly difficult, it's amazingly feminine.
Awe-inspiring because you're growing another human being inside you: and all you have to do is eat and sleep!
It's difficult because every part of you changes, not just your body. Your body, your thinking, your focus in life, the way people perceive you, the way you perceive yourself; it's an all-encompassing change, and for me that was very difficult to accept and just let happen. Probably the hardest part for me in the beginning was knowing that it was ok to take a break from my student life and sleep more. But what is more important than taking care of you and your little person?
It's feminine because it shows the power of the female body. We have the ability to hold and house and build this little person until they are able to come out and live; we can then support them on milk created in our bodies, perfectly geared for our child. Never will you be curvier or more aware that you are female. It's kinda cool.

2) No one ever told me how hard it is to adjust to a changing body, or the kind of personal mental reshaping you go through along with your body. But how could they? That's not an easy thing to explain. And I don't know if it's difficult for every woman in this way; it's just been difficult for me. Accepting the changes in my body and accepting that I need to take good care of myself and accepting that maybe I can't do everything I could while I wasn't pregnant took me a little while. But you know what? It's a good lesson.

3) Patience with yourself is a great virtue, maybe even more important than patience with other people.

4) I think stretch marks look kind of cool and I wish America wasn't so stupid about them. There is no shame in being a mother, in having loved and borne a child; that's what these marks means. There should be honor in that, not shame or "lack of physical beauty." Really it should add to a woman's beauty. It is hard work being pregnant and being a mom. Wear those things with pride!

5) Being a mother at 21 is kind of a jolt to my pyschy; But even though I'm young, I understand that babies are hard work, and that I need to be devoted to this role if I want to be a good mom. And I do. More than any other role in my life, I want to succeed the most at being a good wife and mother. And if I want to, and I do the work, I will.


Anywho. I'm excited and nervous to give birth, but so thrilled that our little one will be here soon (I'm due the end of August). I know Alan will be a good dad; I'll do my best to be a good mom. Even though pregnancy has been more of a journey than I thought it would be, it's totally worth it and I'll probably do it a couple more times. :)